Giving a eulogy is terrifying.
After receiving news that a family member or loved one has died, it can be distressing enough just to make funeral arrangements (or alternatives) in a matter of days. Even after the extended family and friends have been notified, a guest list has been made, priests have been requested, caterers reserved, and funeral-home deposits paid, perhaps the most frightening aspect of all appears last: public speaking.
“I have always believed funerals are for the living… The legacy and accomplishments of［our］loved ones have not died with them”
Joe Biden
PHOTO CREDIT: ROBERT STROKOE VIA PEXELS
Often reported as the thing humans fear more than death itself, the task of expertly intertwining past memories, unkempt emotion and the deceased’s true personality can be an exasperating at best－especially when you don’t know where to begin. Done without preparation, the eulogy can become an uncomfortable depiction of discombobulated grief and misguided mourning. Written with thoughtful moments and memories in mind, it’s the perfect reminder to celebrate the life of the departed.
Step 1: Assign your speaker
Eulogies can be given by children, spouses, siblings, religious leaders or close friends. In some cases, even classmates or co-workers can deliver a meaningful message. As long as the chosen speaker had a close relationship with the departed, they should be considered to deliver the message.
Step 2: List their qualities
Make a list of your favorite qualities embodied by the person who died. Whether they were defined by their sense of humor, their kindness, their attention to detail etc., putting these traits on paper can help organize your thoughts for later.
Step 3: List moments together
Based on the traits listed above, start trotting down memory lane to uncover moments that reflect these qualities. It doesn’t have to be a groundbreaking, action-packed flashback; even recalling a seemingly small gesture might perfectly capture who the person was.
Step 4: Supporting sources
If you’re still stumped for stories, consider turning to other content for inspiration. Whether finding a perfect poem, hearing a familiar song, or seeing a picture worth a thousand words, utilizing the departed’s favorite mediums can provide some much-needed encouragement for your tribute. If appropriate, consider including snippets of your inspiration source in the eulogy itself.
Step 5: Write the first part last.
Possibly the most daunting task in writing the eulogy is facing the blank screen of a word document or the white page of a notebook. Trying to write a formal introduction first can become frustrating and unfocused, so practice “word vomiting” on the page before organizing your speech.
Final notes
- Prioritize the personality of the deceased and the impact of their life above all else.
- Consider practicing in front of several family members to get comfortable delivering your message before the ceremony.
- No eulogy is “perfect.” If your finished product shows the audience who your loved one was, you’ve perfected it.
Life Expired. 
I’ve never given a eulogy. I don’t think I could, because I’m such a cry-baby!
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I’m sure even if you did, that it would be absolutely beeeautiful
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